WFTDA updated the rules on us recently and they have now released their updated minimum skills set. Here’s the thing about skills, especially ones you do not use regularly- they are a lot like riding a bike. Not that you intrinsically will be able to do it no matter what, but in the approach that if you take an extended break from bike riding, your muscles will eventually recall the motion, but not without a few scratches on your calves, moments of wobbling confusion, and at least one awkward, lopsided landing.
Yep, this is exactly how I remember it…
Minimum skills are like getting your roller derby license. I don’t know if any of you remember taking your driving test, but it wasn’t easy. You had to practice, a lot. And then you had to be able to do all kinds of crazy things – like parallel park. When I was taking my driving test, I could parallel park with the same sort of ease most cats use the litter box. Now? I can parallel park if there are 2 open spaces and maybe a blocked off fire hydrant portion attached to one of those empty spaces. If you can’t park a Boeing 747 in it, it’s not happening. As time passed and I no longer used that talent, I lost it. The same can happen to your required derby skills.
When we were first tested, we could all T and plow stop. Mainly because we spent countless hours doing it- but now that we all rely on the Tomahawk stop, trying a flawless T or plow stop might be an exercise in abruptly hugging the rink floor. Maybe not, but it won’t be the perfect maneuver you worked at like a hamster on a wheel. As the game changes, so do the expectations put on us; while we go forward, we don’t want to regress in other areas.
Not only did some of the skills get beefed up, but so did our speed requirement. Our 25 in 5 is now 27. To non-derbyers, 2 extra laps may not sound like a lot, but it is. To all derby players, stop hyperventilating, you will be ok. I promise. It’s hard, and that’s where cardio training comes in. Some of us would rather be eaten by a large mammal then exert the extra force required to run away from it, so the idea of harder cardio requirements does not fill all souls with sunshine and unicorn smiles. But derby is a sport, and a sport requires work.
What the new 27 in 5 looks like if you close your eyes.
For new participants, if the list scares you, good. Derby isn’t easy. It’s not bubble gum, glitter, and wearing your underwear like Madonna circa 1990. Roller derby is a litany of wonderful things, but it is also doing things you don’t want to, thinking you’re going to die but pushing through, and (to all Hellrazors at Tuesday’s practice) sometimes looking like the piñata from an anger management support group. Derby is hard, but that’s one of the many reasons we love it.
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